High School...

Well, it has been a while sinse I have posted anything.  Let's see, what shall be talked about today???  Hmmm... How about high school?  How many of the people who read this go to high school?  Do you like it?  Is it something that you get excited for every day, or do you just want to be done with it?  If you are ready to be done, then lucky you the end is coming near!!!  I think that everyone has a different experience with high school.  Some people love high school and can't wait to go see their friends and do some school work.  Others do not like it so much because of bullying or because they don't like waking up in the morning.  Some just don't see the point in high school. 

I didn't end up liking high school so much.  A lot went on around me that I just didn't feel comfortable with.  Some people liked me, but others talked about me behind my back, and that just wasn't cool with me.  There are some people that do really well in high school though.  Some people really excell greatly.  And if you are one of those people then I am so happy for you!  I think that going to school is important and learning life skills is very important, but so is making friends and developing good social skills, so I think that going to a brick and morter school is great in theory.  And sometimes it is great in real life too.

What do you guys think about highschool?! Post comments! Let me know!!

Talking to People

On Saturday, I was able to go to Illinois for a DARE2SHARE conference.  One of the things that we were supposed to do during the last break of the conference before the end was go to local public places and tell people about the grace of God.  You see, I am not very good at this kind of thing.  I don't want to make an uncomfortable situation for people.  I have always been the one who didn't want to force this kind of thing on people, and I always thought that if I was the one to start the conversation and try to get people to accept Jesus, then I was forcing it on them.  I never wanted to be that person.  This weekend, though, I tried something new.  Greg, the speaker talked about a very different way to talk to people about God and teach them about what Jesus did for them.  He explained a method where you ask, admire, and then admit.  I encourage definitely encourage everyone to go to dare2share.org and check out the videos.  And just so that everyone knows, no one is paying me to suggest them, I really do believe in what this organization is doing. 

I am quite a shy person, when it comes to people that I don't know, so I have a hard time talking to people, unless they start first.  I am usually fine if the other person starts the conversation, but if I am expected to, it becomes an issue.  This weekend, something changed in me.  God spoke to me and told me that I needed to talk to these people.  I don't know whether he was doing this to help me or to help them, or what, but if even part of it was for me, it worked.  I think that I can do this.  I can do this whole evangelism thing... I don't at all think that I will be the next Billy Graham, but maybe I can start planting some seeds.  I love God and I love people.  I want everyone to go to heaven, so I am going to help the people who don't believe and I am going to plant some seeds.

There is a problem

Hello!  There seems to be a problem with comments.  I don't know why this is, but for some reason, if anyone is trying to comment with an iphone, ipod, or an ipad, it probably won't work.  I tried to post a comment earlier with my ipod and my step dad tried to post a comment with his ipad, and neither worked!! I don't know why this is, but I will definitely be contacting google with this problem.  I am sorry for any inconveniences.  Please feel free to comment using any other device, if other mobile devices are not working, you may comment on here, using a computer or device that will work, telling me and others what it is and I will gladly contact google!

Thank you for your patience:)

A Post Just For My Viewers

I feel like there is not enough activity on my blog.  I would like to see some more commenters on here.  I decided that, in order to do this, I would post something that my blog viewers want to read.  Soooo.....
I would like all of you guys to tell me what you want me to write about.  Do you have unanswered questions, need advice, or even just need some cold, hard facts on something?  LET ME KNOW!!!! 

Comment on this with your idea, and as long as it is an ethical and appropriate topic, I will write about it... even if I need to do some research, you will find it up on my blog at some point before the end of the 2013 year... probably earlier though.  If I find it to be a topic that is ethically wrong or innappropriate, then I will let you know that I am not posting about that... Otherwise, expect to see it up on my blog!!!

Being 16

Is there anyone out there who at 16 thought it was all so surreal?  That's how I have been feeling lately.  I have my driver's license and there is a car in the driveway for me to use, and I am almost always out and about.  It seems like a normal teenage thing to do... but for some reason, it doesn't feel normal to me.  I feel like I am not 16 yet or something. 

Don't get me wrong, I love being 16 and having freedom, and being able to do what I please (within my parent's rules of course:) ), but for some reason, I just don't feel like I am 16.  Has that happened to anyone else?  I mean I am sure I will get used to it soon, but I would just like to know if there is anyone else out there who feels that way.  Maybe you felt that way when you had your first kid or when you turned 13 and became a teenager.  Maybe it was when you moved out of your house or got married or started highschool.  Is there anyone out there who has felt that everything that was happening was just so surreal? 

Comment and let me know!  Tell me I am not the only one!!! LOL... but seriously everyone should comment...

Christianity

Hello! I am Haylie.  I am 16 and I love life.  I do not do drugs or drink alcohol, or go to parties every weekend and hook up with those of the male gender.  Yes, there are girls out there that are like that.  No, I am not perfect.  I do argue with my parents sometimes and get mad at them and disrespect them every once in a while, but when/ if I realize I was wrong, I apologize.  I sometimes have a hard time making decisions or say the wrong things at the wrong time. but generally, I believe that I am on the right track.  I get good grades and I am working (for minimum wage of course).  I am happy.  I do not have a facebook or a twitter, or even a tumblr account.  I do have a pinterest and I have this wonderful blog.  I have a relationship with God and I am sure that if I were to die tomorrow, I would go to heaven because I have accepted Jesus as my Lord and savior.  So, I think that I am doing pretty well. 

I am not the only teenager like this, either!! I know, it's a little shocking.  I have friends that are like that too, though.  If you really talk to some of these kids you might find more out there like that.  You'd be surprised at how many teenagers are finding God and getting to know him.  It's not an easy thing, and you will find that many teens do still have some problems finding him and being the person that they want to be, but many of the christian "guys" and "chicks" will be some of the happiest people you meet.  There is a level of peace in finding God, even through all of the chaos and the storms you go through to get there.

I guess the point is, don't be afraid to go after God because you are afraid of the storms.  They are going to come.  It may be the most difficult thing you do in your whole life, but I guarantee that if you trust God and get to know who he is, you will find that level of peace.  You could find that you are the happiest that you have ever been.  You won't be perfect; it's just not going to happen.  Don't be discouraged because of that either, it really is okay to not be perfect.  No one is perfect, but you can still get into heaven.  You could have been the worst person in the world and done the most stupid things and gone to jail, or abused your children, or forgotten about birthdays every year, done drugs, even murdered.  If you change and find God, you will make it into heaven.  I know, it is the coolest thing ever!!!!! 

Just thought I would let the world know...

Choices

I have found that, in general, people can't seem to make up their minds.  And I know I am one of them.  We complain that certain songs are over-played, but then if it's not over-played we complain that it's not played enough.  We say that we hate when people talk behind our back, but then get mad at someone and go on some crazy rant about everything that they have done wrong in the past.  We even say that we want to be better and do what the bible says, but we end up doing something different because society tells us that church just isn't that cool.

So why is it that we can't make up our minds?  Is it just a part of our nature, or is it something that we have control of?  I went to a bible camp last weekend out in Iowa.  The speaker at this camp talked about choosing between the crowd and the cross.  I mean, clearly the cross is the right option.  In theory, it's a simple decision, but what about actually doing it? That part isn't so easy.  I think that's something we all need to work on, including myself.

Life is all about choices.  There is always a choice to make.  Whether it's an easy choice or a hard choice, we can all work on making up our minds.

Making a Difference

There are so many people that tell all of us kids that one person can make a huge difference.  I don't buy it.  If one person does something crazy and amazing, it still needs a whole lot of people to notice.  If no one notices, you are not really making a difference are you?  Martin Luther King Jr:  He was an amazing man who, by himself made a speech to the United states.  Would it have made an impact, though, if no one showed up to his speech?  No probably not. 

I know, this may sound very pessamistic, but that is not what I am trying to go for.  I am just being realistic.  If you want to make a difference in the world, you really have to try to get as many people involved as you possibly can.  I think it is important for people to realize that you do need help, and the grace of God to make a real difference in the world.  You cannot do it alone.  Get a big group together.  Pray to God.  Make a huge difference in the world.

My Definitions pt. 2

Wow.  I ran accross this in my notebook today.  I totally forgot about my little mini series with these definitions and things.  So here is a definition that I actually wrote a couple of months ago, but wasn't ready to post because it had some meaning to me.  It still kind of does, but I have gotten over it.

Moving on.  That is what I am going to define.  It may mean something different for some of you out there, but I think this is generally what moving on should be.  It is something that took me a long time to figure out myself.  What I have finally found, though, is that moving on does not mean going out and finding something, or someone new.  It means letting go of the past.  Yes, sometimes in the process of moving on, you find something or someone else, and that is okay, but you don't have to find something else in order to move on.  I see a lot of people that take moving on as finding someone or something new, and that's just not the case.  You can find something new and still not have completely moved on.  Moving on may take time.  Letting go may take time.   It is okay.  Time may be the best thing for someone who is moving on.  Forgiveness may be needed, depending on the situation. (If anyone has questions about that one, they can look to my Definitions pt. 1).  So when you are trying to move on from someone or something, don't let your first instinct be to find something new.  Just work on letting go.

Just Another Day

Another Valentine's day has gone by.  While some are spending time with the love of their life, or who they think to be the love their life, I am here, at home.  I don't have a valentine this year, as I did last year.  And yet, I am not sad because of it.  There are too many other things to worry about, other than not having someone to be in love with.  Yes, I do miss having that one person here a little bit, but it's not a big problem anymore for me. 

What I am worried about is family.  Cancer is getting to be a worse problem, and it scares all of us.  Cancer being spread across one body is a scary thing.  It's not just one or two people who are being affected, it is the large amount of family and friends that are also going to be affected and depressed when that one person is gone.

On the upside, I have finally gotten the job that I have been wanting for a couple months now.  I had been working with some family refinishing furniture, and that was fine, but it's really not what I want to be doing for the next year and a half before I go to beauty school.  I have finally got a job as a receptionist at a salon.  No, it is not a super fabulous job for most people, but I want to own a salon one day too, so learning all the parts of a salon is something that would be good for me.  It is something that I want to do.

And so, today has seemed to just be another day.  Not really a holiday of sorts, but just another day.  So goodnight, and for all of those out there with their lovely spouses, boyfriends, and fiances, I am happy for you.  Good luck with all of the other days ahead of you.

Confusion

Confusion has overcome me, as it does for most teenage girls.  The one of guys.  I am not even talking about guys that I like; just this guy that I am really good friends with.  I have known him for a pretty long time, and have never had this problem before, until now that is.  I was talking to him on the phone earlier and his boss called him, so I let him hang up on me and he said he was going to call me back when his conversation with his boss was over, well it's been well over an hour, and I still have had no reply.  Now, this wouldn't be such a big deal to me if I didn't have a super question to ask him, but I do, and he is not answering me.  I really don't think he is having an hour long conversation with his boss.  He never ignores me, though.  I don't really know what is going on.  Plenty of boyfriends have done that to me, or guys that knew that I liked them, or guys that have liked me have done that to me.  Not this guy though;  I don't have feelings for him and he doesn't have feelings for me (I'm pretty sure, I guess you never really know for sure).  I don't know why he would ignore me... and so, as I said before, confusion has overcome me.

New

Today, 4 days after I got my hair cut, I re- dyed it.  I have two different colors in my hair, but they blend so well, you can barely tell they're different.  I feel like a new person.  I feel like I have let go of the girl who needed that guy, the girl who didn't know who she was, the girl who wasn't ready for God yet.  I feel like I am ready for anything now.  I am ready to take on the world.  I am really ready to take on God.  I think before, I was in that questioning stage, where I had accepted him as my savior, but I still didn't understand why he was letting sad, or terrible things happen.  Now I know he has a plan, and no matter what happens, it is a part of that plan, and I will trust that God has got this big, grand plan for me.  I know that he does.  He is a good guy you know?  He is going to be good to me, no matter what anyone else thinks.  I will be happy with God.  I will.

Right and Wrong

Have you ever asked yourself whether you are a good person or not?  How do you really know if you're a good person?  I mean, just because someone does something like volunteer to help the homeless on a regular basis, or goes on mission trips every year, does that make them a good person?  Or does that just mean that they have too much time on their hands and don't have any better way of spending it?  What if they do things like this all the time, though?  What if all you see one doing is good things?  Are they a good person?  What if while they are doing it, they are thinking really bad thoughts?  What if, when they are alone, they are doing unthinkable things?  Are they a good person, or not?  What if they don't know that what they are doing is wrong?  Then are they a bad person, or are they just naive?

Most people have enough common sense to generally know what is right and wrong, but what about the things like this:  Telling someone who is talking crap about them, or telling a friend if you think their boyfriend/girlfriend was flirting with you/someone else. 

Is it right to say, "hey, (so and so) was saying (this) about you."  Should you tell them and let them know who they should be telling things to, or should you just say, "hey, I overheard someone saying (this) about you."  Either way, aren't you hurting someone?  Either someone is going to probably lose a friend because of you, or that person is going to keep getting talked about.  Should you get involved at all, or is it really none of your business?

What about telling your friend about their boyfriend/girlfriend flirting?  What if you just took it the wrong way?  But then again, what if they really were flirting and they end up cheating.  Then wouldn't you feel guilty?  Which is right? 

hair:)

I have decided to cut my hair very short... for something different.  I need help deciding which one to choose... Try to picture the cuts with a purple-y red color.  Please help me:/

The Real World

College.  I feel like it is coming up way too soon.  Yes, I am graduating a year early and maybe that's why it seems like it is going so quickly, but I mean, I am 16.  Usually 16 year olds are like, "high school is taking so long, I feel like it's going on forever."  The thing is, I don't feel that way.  I don't even feel like I am 16.  It's all so... surreal.  I am driving by myself, hanging out with friends without needing someone to drive me; I have all of the freedoms of a 16 year old, but why is it that I still feel like a kid?  Everyone tells me that I am growing up, and I am not a child anymore, but what if I want to be?  Can't I just say that I am?  No, I guess not.  Am I really ready for all of this grown up stuff?  Am I ready to go to college and go into the real world?  Or am I just too comfortable at home and not ready for the reality of life?

All questions that I have been asking myself today... All the things that I have been thinking about.  How do you know when you are ready to go into the real world?  Are you ever really ready?  How do you deal with it?  If anyone out there could help me, that would be great!!

Cleaning my Room

I was cleaning my room (yes a teenager cleaning her room I know it's amazing) and I found a lot of old papers and poems and drawings and things like that.  I found a story that I was trying to write a couple of years ago, but never really got a chance to finish it- as if I have ever been that great at finishing a story.  I guess that's because my life story isn't finished yet; not even close, so why would any of my written, made up stories be finished.  Maybe someday, I will finish them.  When?  I have no idea. 

Looking through my room also reminded me of all the things that have changed throughout the past couple of years.  I have become a completely different person than I was in 8th grade or when I was a Freshman.  Seems like it was so long ago.  I remember time going so fast to me, but still it seems like so long.  I guess thats life, though. 

Something else I realized while I was cleaning today;  I am afraid to grow up.  I am excited and ready to be done with high school, but I am afraid to really be an adult, and be on my own, without someone providing me with what I need.  What if I forget to eat?!?!?!  I do that sometimes.  It scares me because when I am alone, I may make the wrong decision and do something unhealthy.  I won't have my mother with me to keep me in line or to keep me eating.  Yes, these are the things that I think about while cleaning.  Maybe that's why it takes me so long to get it done...  Something that I will have to work on.

Trust

I have, yet again, forgotten to post on tuesday... So sorry to my four followers, and anyone else who is following me by email, or people just waiting for my posts and keeping up with me. 

Today, I went to youth group and we talked about trust.  We talked about trusting people and trusting God.  It seems to be kind of an ongoing thing.  We talked about trust last week also.  We played a lot of trust games today; one of them being one that had us get in a tight circle, and all sit on eachother at the same time.  It was a very scary game, but fun.  It opened my eyes to something that I thought that I had already fixed;  I still do not trust people, especially with my safety.  I guess I never thought about it much.  I knew I trusted God to take care of me and make sure that I was okay, but I never thought about trusting other people with my safety. 

Is that wrong, though?  Should I trust other people with my safety?  Is it okay to just know that God has got my back, and he will not let me get seriously hurt unless I need it?  Is that, in a round about way, trusting other people?  All these questions have been running through my head sinse youth group...  I don't know how to handle this, but I know that trusting God is good.  Is not trusting others really that bad?  If it is, how do I fix this?

By the way.................... I don't think I will be doing a post every Tuesday anymore, I think that I will just post them as they come up.  There will be no more set dates to my posting.  If anyone disagrees with this decision, please let me know and I work something out.

Moving on

Today, I went to the DMV.  I took my drivers test and passed!  First time taking it and I passed.  Yesterday, I listened to that song that he and I always listened to.  The one that he would always sing to me.  Even before it was popular.  Even without him to sing to me, "Wanted" really is a good song. 
I am moving on with my life.  I am applying to jobs; I am researching schools; I am getting ready to graduate next year as a junior instead of a senior.  I am happy with who I am and who I am turning out to be. 

I have God to thank for all that is going well in my life.  He is there for me and as long as I am praying and living for him, he will keep being there for me.  I have made mistakes in my past.  It is okay though because God has forgiven me, and I have forgiven myself.  Things are going to be okay for me, and hopefully for everyone else too.

My Definitions Part 1

I am starting a new series!  This will not be posted every single Tuesday, but still on Tuesday.  All of the words that I will "define" throughout this series are words that I feel people use in an incorrect way, or just don't understand, or sometimes just a deeper meaning to words that people use a lot or, like I said before, in the wrong way.  There will be two definitions per post.  If there is ever a word that any of you want a new definition, deeper definition, or clarity on, just let me know, and I will do my best to define it the way I look at the word.  Here goes nothing!!!!!!!!

Peace- It doesn't mean that there is no chaos, or that things around you are lovely, fine and wonderful.  It doesn't mean that people aren't fighting and arguing.  It means that, even in the midst of all the chaos, war, and people arguing, you are content.  In all of that you are still hapy and keeping your faith in God.

Forgiveness- It's a little more difficult to explain this one.  It took me a long time to get it right.  To forgive someone is very hard.  In order to forgive, you have to let go (or move on- will be defined in next post).  That doesn't mean you shouldn't keep it in mind for the future if you see something similar starting to happen again.  It means that you should say, "I'm over it" and not bring it up unless it happens again.  It means not using someone's past against them.  Something that people seem to get confused about is whether you should give someone a second chance.  For that, I guess it depends on the situation.  Say your boyfriend or girlfriend cheats on you; should you forgive them? YES! Should you go back out with them though? Probably not.  You don't need to let someone walk all over you to forgive them.  That's not what forgiveness is.  It is just saying, "I am over it.  I am letting it go."  You don't need to let it happen again, or put one in a situation that may bring it up again.  You really can let it go, though.  It is the healthy way to do things.

Second Chances

I was on the stage with 3 other singers around me.  There to lead me, help me through this, and make the music work.  And though I had been told a million times before that I sounded great, I never really thought that I was all that wonderful.  I don't know really, what was different about this day, but something was.  I sang with the confidence of a performer.  On this very day, after practice, I was told that I kept up the whole time, for the first time.  Meaning I stayed on pitch, didn't need the girl next to me help keep me on track.  No flaws.  Another confidence boost.  I looked in the mirror later on and I didn't see me.  I saw a beautiful, confident, happy person in the mirror.  I saw the person that God always wanted me to be.  And I was happy.  For the first time in a really long time, it seemed that I was happy with myself and who I was.  I thought, this is God's second chance for me.  I know that I have made some mistakes along the way, but this is what God wants out of me.  And I thought to myself, "I am ready to take the next steps in my faith."  And it was the best feeling in the world.

I Forgot to Post on Tuesday

I am learning to to move on with my life.  Somedays, when I hear about your life, like today, it is a little more difficult.  I am learning though.  I am not perfect, I know I will think about you, and I will miss you, but I try my best to be okay.  I have God on my side, and I know that he is here.  I mean, he's on your side too, but, well, you know what I mean. 

Anyways, so tomorrow I am going to visit the beauty school that I think I want to attend.  It should be fun.  At least I am moving on with my life in that way.  I am definitly ready to be done with high school.  It's not that I want to grow up fast or anything like that, I love being young.  I don't really want to grow up, I just want to be done with high school.  It has not been a great experience for me.  That's why I am graduating a year early.  I will be a junior next year, and I will be graduating.  I just feel like there is more out there for me than here.  More that I can become; more that I can do.  I know that I am going to struggle sometimes, I'll have to go through that poor college student phase, but I can do it.  I may need help, but that's what I have God for.

Also, on the eighteenth, I will be taking my driving test.  I am going to need lots of prayers for that, so for all of those who are reading this... please please pray for me.  I am a good driver, but I get nervous, really easy. 

So... yeah, this is what I came up with on the spot.  I had something written, but I lost it.  Thanks for taking the time to read the boring update on my life. :)

Life as a Drawing

It seems that everyone has a different perspective on life.  Life in general, I mean.  The whole thing... Well, I look at life as a giant picture; a drawing, a painting, a sketch.  It depends on the day.  One example is when you mess up, it's like that one line you didn't actually want to go there.  When you try to forget about it, it's like trying to erase that line, and over time it fades, but it never really goes away.  When you accomplish something though, it's like finally getting the shading right in that one spot you have been working on forever.  It feels amazing.  When something that was out of your control happens and ruins your day, it's like someone bumping into your arm and messing up that perfect line you were working on.  And then again, there are those small things in life that make you smile just a little; those are like that small detail in the picture that you just love so much.  Others don't necessarily notice it, but thats okay because it's your detail and you don't need anyone else to approve it.  You love it whether other people can see it or not.

In the end, no matter what, the drawing, painting, or sketch, and your life, are beautiful.  They are yours alone, and no one can make them anything that you don't want them to be.  They are unique, and no one will ever be able to make one like it.  There are details that no one will ever be able to mimic perfectly.  They won't know all the hard work that you put into it because they didnt see you do the whole thing.  The art work and your life are things that no one will ever be able to accomplish.  They are your own, and they are beautiful.

Findings

I have found myself at the end of the first day of the new year.  Many things have run through my head today. 

How am I going to accomplish what I am setting out to do?
Can I really just forget about "him" like that?
Who am I going to become this year?

I know I am young and many think that I have all the time in the world to figure out who I am and what I stand for, but in reality none of us know how long we have to figure that kind of thing out.  It is a long process, finding out who you really are, and I know that, but everyday I wish it could go just a little faster.  I would like to know before I have to leave this earth.  I want to do some of God's work, if even just a slight amount.  I want to accomplish something.  Something big.  I have done small things, and I know that some of those small things may mean something big for other people, but they still seem just so small to me.  There has to be more that I am here for.

So today was the first day of learning to accomplish; learning to change; learning to be who I was always meant to be.  I know that God has something incredible in store for me... I just need to find out what that is.

Goodnight Everybody.

Resolutions

Happy New Year!!!  I am sure that for many, things have changed a lot since last year.  For some of you, this will really be the year that you go through with your resolutions.  For others, you will just keep talking about your resolutions and never get any of them done.  I can say that I have been that person for the past 16 years.  Though, this year I am really going to be working on them.  I got a head start on some of them and it seems to me that I am doing well.

1)  One of my resolutions is to eat no meat whatsoever, and be healthy doing it.  I have had a very minimal amount of meat lately and today is the day that I start to not eat any at all.
2)  I am finally starting the healing process from the hurt "he" left me with.  I am ready to let go and be the person I want to be without him.  In the past couple days, I have decided that it is best for both of us to just steer clear of eachother.  Although, he seems to have figured that out already.
3)  I am learning more about God every single day.  I am finally letting myself open up the doors to places that I would never let anyone in.  God is going to have control of even my darkest places, and he will make them to be beautiful and full of light and love.

There are of course more resolutions that I have that are related to health and losing weight, as we all do and who knows if they will get done.  I am much more concerned with the things that go on in my head at this point.  I plan on working on my health and excersizing, and I was doing really well for a while, but I haven't been doing too much lately, so we will see where that goes.  I am getting ready to visit some colleges and finding scholorships and just being the person that God wants me to be in general.  This year is going to be very different for me and I can't wait to see the person that I become now.

What are some of your resolutions?!  How are you going to get them done? You don't have to share the really personal ones if you don't want, but let me know about the ones that you want me to see.  I would love to know, and I will comment back.